So I’m done with that question. What do you do? is off the table. Instead, I’m going with “What’s your story?” It’s a question that invites a person to share whatever is most alive for them in that moment. It could be about their job, their family, their hobbies, their dreams, their struggles, their triumphs, their favorite TV show, their most recent vacation, their spiritual beliefs, their political views, their favorite food, their favorite band, their favorite color, their favorite anything. It’s open-ended and can go anywhere.
Try it. I dare you. Ask someone, “What’s your story?” and see what happens. Let me know how it goes.
You Can Do Better Than Dog Whistles or “You From Around Here?” Pickup Lines
If you’re experimenting with online dating, trying to meet new friends, seeking a healthy community, or just looking for a way to make a cocktail party less miserable, try it! Ask “What’s your story?”
You’ll get so much information about the new person in front of you just by listening to how they answer that question. And then notice…do they return the curiosity? Do they ask you for your story or do they monologue for the next two hours, which is a sign you’re talking to someone high on the narcissism spectrum.
Assuming they reciprocate curiosity about you, be prepared to tell your own story, taking charge of the story you want to present as your opening conversation.
Ponder the question for a moment…What’s your story?
If you’re curious to learn other ways to get to know new people, whether you’re dating, seeking new friends, in an open relationship, or otherwise trying to figure out what kind of humans you most enjoy, join us for DATING FROM SELF, a weekend Zoom IFS workshop focused on how to get to know which parts of you show up in response to other people and their parts! We’ll be giving you tips and tools for connecting with new people, putting your best face forward without being fake, getting to know who’s on your “meet new people” team, learning how and when to disclose the hard stuff, and considering things like good boundaries around new people, when to get vulnerable, when to hold back, and what it means to earn someone’s trust and figure out whether they’re trustworthy, before you get too attached or foster too much attachment in them.
The price for the workshop goes up soon, so if you want to join us, now’s the time to sign up!
Save $100 on tuition for DATING FROM SELF if you register now.
We hope to see you and all of your parts May 17-18. If you can’t make it live, we’ll be recording the workshop and you can enjoy it later.
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