“Father’s Day is that special day of the year when we not only celebrate our dads for their love and support but also for their bad dad jokes and barbecue mastery.

So in today’s post I’d like to give you a hand with that and share 100 of the wittiest and most relatable funny Fathers’s Day quotes.

Share one or a few of them with your dad or a father figure via a card. In a a text message or on social media like Instagram.

Or simply tell him a couple of them today to make him laugh about fatherhood and the many fierce challenges he has no doubt met so far.

Funny Father’s Day Quotes with Relatable Laughs

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
– Mark Twain

“Having a 2-year-old is like having a blender without a lid.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.”
– Jim Gaffigan

“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ I hadn’t met my daughter yet.”
– Dax Shepard

“I would rather drink a piping hot bowl of liquid rabies than get on a plane with my two children. At two years old they just have to rip all their clothes off and introduce themselves to everyone on the plane. It’s just like, ‘Please can we land in a farmer’s field?’”
– Ryan Reynolds

“You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
– Jim Gaffigan

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
– Ray Romano

“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.”
– Chris Martin

“Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.”
– Conan O’Brien

“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.”
– Greg Kinnear

“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
– Martin Mull

“Booking plane tickets for a family trip is a fun little test to see if I still remember all my kids’ birthdays and genders.”
– Ken Jennings

“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”
– Andy Richter

“You don’t need drugs when you have a [baby]. You’re awake, you’re paranoid, you smell bad… it’s the same thing.”
– Robin Williams

“The worst part about being a parent is when one of your kids farts and you have to pretend it wasn’t cool.”
– Rob Delaney

“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.”
– Lin-Manuel Miranda

“Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.”
– David Frost

“When you first get them… you’re all excited, and you’re ready to do all these things. Then you realize it’s like getting a new cell phone where all the features don’t work yet. It’s like a phone [that] won’t take pictures, and you’re like ‘Why won’t my phone take pictures?!’ And it won’t make calls, and it doesn’t do a lot. But it looks really cute!”
– Ashton Kutcher

“When you got more than one kid, you just wake up angry.”
– Kevin Hart

The Best Funny Father’s Day Quotes on Fatherhood

“The first one, I almost became a doula. I was reading every book. I was ready. This one I haven’t done anything. I’m like, ‘Well, we didn’t break the first one.’”
– Ashton Kutcher

“You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind and then they’ll spit all their food on the carpet.”
– Neil Patrick Harris

“The only way I can describe fatherhood – it sounds stupid, but – at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; It’s just full all the time.”
– Matt Damon

“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.”
– Tim Russert

“Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really.”
– Dave Barry

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
– Steve Martin

“I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.”
– George W. Bush

“Never underestimate kids’ tenacity. Raising a child is like wrestling a small but relentless opponent.”
– Stephen Colbert

“Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day.”
– Mike Myers

“The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you’re unqualified to do, and then you become qualified while doing it.”
– John Green

“I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.”
– Jimmy Kimmel

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”
– Jon Stewart

“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting daddy’s freedom.”
– Ryan Reynolds

“I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.”
– Kevin Hart

“For fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye… get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them.

”
– Angelina Jolie

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”
– Jon Stewart

“My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.”
– Clarence Budington Kelland

“Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
– Ray Romano

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
– Bill Cosby

“I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.”
– George W. Bush

“I love my father as the stars – he’s a bright shining example and a happy twinkling in my heart.”
– Terri Guillemets

“I’m a father; that’s what matters most. Nothing matters more.”
– Gordon Brown

“A father is a banker provided by nature.”
– French Proverb

“I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.”
– Bartrand Hubbard

“Fatherhood is the best thing that could happen to me, and I’m just glad I can share my voice.”
– Dwyane Wade

“Fatherhood is the greatest thing that could ever happen. You can’t explain it until it happens – it’s like telling someone what water feels like before they’ve ever swam in it.”
– Michael Bublé

“Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride, and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person.”
– Naveen Jain

“I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.”
– Mario Cuomo

“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.’”
– Harmon Killebrew

“My dad is my best friend, my father, and my boss. When I do something that is exciting and he likes it, it feels three times as good as you can imagine.”
– David Lauren

“My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.’”
– Jim Fox

“Being a father helps me be more responsible… you see more things than you’ve ever seen.”
– Kid Rock

“I want to congratulate all the men out there who are working diligently to be good fathers whether they are stepfathers, or biological fathers or just spiritual fathers.”
– T. D. Jakes

“One of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad.”
– Jim DeMint

“Fatherhood is a very natural thing; it’s not something that shakes up my life but rather it enriches it.”
– Andrea Bocelli

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
– Steve Martin

Unique and Engaging Fatherhood Quotes for the Modern Dad

As a man, you understand the deep bond between a father and his children. Here are some handpicked quotes that resonate with the challenges and joys of fatherhood, tailored just for you:

Fatherhood Wisdom from Celebrities

“You just want to protect them at all costs.” – John Krasinski

“Getting a burp out of your little thing when she needs it is probably the greatest satisfaction I’ve come across at this point in my life. It is truly one of life’s most satisfying moments.” – Brad Pitt

“A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.” – Paul Lewis

“Teenagers should be an affliction. Like, ‘Hey, Will, how you doing?’ ‘Man, I got teenagers. Simplex 2, man, Simplex 2.’ It takes everything you have to raise teenagers.” – Will Smith

“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'” – Jim Gaffigan

“I don’t have to prepare to be wrapped around my daughter’s finger. I have been wrapped around her little finger since the day she plopped out into this world.” – Ryan Reynolds

“I watch my daughter wanting to be like other kids and getting upset that she’s not. But I always try and instill in her the idea that she’s perfect as she is.” – Idris Elba

“It’s legitimately the greatest thing ever… It just makes me want to be better.” – Ashton Kutcher

“I’m probably the most uncool guy that [my daughters] know – as far as they are concerned anyway – ’cause I’m Dad. I mean dads just aren’t cool – especially when I dance! They don’t want me to dance.” – Tim McGraw

“I have a lot of kids. I say a lot because I don’t know the real number.” – Jim Gaffigan

Short, Funny, and Uplifting Father’s Day Quotes

“I hope I’m at least half the dad that he didn’t have to be.” – Brad Paisley

“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” – Harry S. Truman

“I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.” – Mario Cuomo

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons

“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” – Lin Manuel Miranda

“The best fathers have the softest, sweetest hearts. In other words, great dads are real marshmallows.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

“Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.” – Reed Markham

“Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers, singers of songs.” – Pam Brown

“My father taught me to work hard, laugh often and keep my word.” – Michelle Obama

“Success, and even life itself, wouldn’t be worth anything if I didn’t have my children by my side. They mean everything to me.” – Jude Law

“Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio: Everything’s momma. What’s the dad song? ‘Papa Was a Rolling Stone.'” – Chris Rock

“I’ve never been part of anything so great as those three kids.” – Al Roker

“The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family.” – Reed Markham

“Everyone can be a father, but it takes a lot to be a dad.” – Wade Boggs

“A girl’s father is the first man in her life and probably the most influential.” – David Jeremiah

“He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” – Clarence B. Kelland

“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” – Frank A. Clark

“Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” – Anne Geddes

“Life doesn’t come with an instruction book – that’s why we have fathers.” – H. Jackson Browne

Looking for more inspiration for Father’s Day and beyond? Explore these short Happy Father’s Day quotes, delve into inspirational Father’s Day quotes, and check out uplifting June quotes. And for a touch of humor, don’t miss these funny summer quotes and inspirational summer quotes to keep you going.

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